December 27th, 2012: The day I turned 29-1/2 years old. The hands of time were moving fast like a tai chi master on speed. Looking back on my twenties, I saw my first summer stock gig, first alcoholic drink (in case Mom is reading), college graduation, moving to NYC, the rise and fall of several romances, my feature film debut, two eye surgeries, three presidential elections, a move to Montana and a move to Florida. Seems fairly exciting, right? But when that big “30” was staring back at me, daring me to capitalize on my ever-fleeting youth, I needed to celebrate in a special way.
With a steady job, health insurance and a nice apartment, life had become pretty comfortable and a tad vanilla. It was time to add some spice for the next six months: #6MonthsOfCrazy. I was going to tweet these incredible experiences and end my twenties with a bang! Because when you turn 30, you have to be an adult. It’s in the rulebook of life. I should get married, have kids, save for retirement and go to bed early.
I’ve never really been a daredevil, so this hashtagged moment of my life gave me an excuse to go wild. So, what did I do? Go skydiving? Parasailing? Get arrested for killing a Canadian hooker while hopped up on cocaine?
Nope. Not even close.
First insane act of wild abandon: I ate an onion ring. Now, for those who know me, this is quite unbelievable. I’ve hated onions with a passion since I learned to walk. I’ve always threatened that if I were ever elected President, I would veto onions. So, you can give me a little bit of credit for tasting vegetable evil. #6MonthsOfCrazy
Second, I took a puff or two off a cigarette. Again, pretty cray-cray for me since I had never smoked a cigarette in my life. #6MonthsOfCrazy
Oh! Oh!!! During a visit to St. Augustine, Florida, I jumped a fence to walk in a graveyard at midnight! Okay, I know any twelve-year-olds reading this right now would be laughing at me. #6MonthsOfCr…forget it. These things aren’t crazy at all! More like #6MonthsOfLame!
How did this happen? Why didn’t I take advantage of this perfect time to go crazy? Was I afraid I would seem foolish? A little. Was I worried my reputation would be tarnished? Maybe. But it couldn’t be fear alone that was holding me back. I’ve taken risks before. But something – some thing was draining my batteries. These #crazy acts just didn’t have the juice to create a spark. They were irrelevant, infantile and incapable of pulling a charge.
I needed more than a few electric anecdotal tweets. My battery was dead.
And that’s when a friend threw me some jumper cables…